brainDead DaemOns
Just A Random Meaningless Rant

All I know is that I’m dead inside and I don’t know what to think. Nothing interests me much anymore. Everytime I wake up I have to force myself to get the fuck up, put fucking clothes on, and do stuff. Oh and trust me it sounds easy but its hard. I could just lie there all day drowning in my sleep pretending I didn’t exist and that all the unrealities in my head are the only thing I need to worry about. Because imagination is a very effortless action but to execute all your endless thoughts would leave you exhausted….or maybe I’m just lazy…. that’s it. I can think of all the things I want to do in life but to get out of my apartment is fucking hard mainly because I ask myself is it worth? Who the fuck cares? I don’t care neither does anyone around me. Socializing? Only when I’m forced to but I seem to try hard at it but nobody notices. Any one who saw me wouldn’t think I’m antisocial but I am because what are people but just other life in the world? We see tons of people in cars when we go to work or go to school oh and we see tons when we go out but do we really feel like engaging with all of them? We first of all that would be impossible but think about it do you really notice everyone you crossed paths with? Probably not. Because we’re so many we don’t even acknowledge it. Ok, ok I know I’m rambling but I need to ramble. No to anyone in specific but just to sort my thoughts out somewhere…. I guess. I just noticed I spend more time in my head than I do in real life. I don’t give a fuck about jobs, or chores, or anything…..but I pretend to because if I can convince people that I am really concerned maybe I can convince myself as well. All the friends I know arent really my friends why? Because I don’t feel connected to them yeah we go to punk shows and do alot moronic stuff but if I ever hung out with anyone I would want to actually talk about deeper stuff. Like how they percieve life and what they think of their interactions in certain situations or certain individuals or even the opposite of that. I only talk about that stuff with my best friend but well she has her boyfriend now and needs her space so I give it to her. But its hard to walk with all these individuals who socialize without having any sort of philosophical logic behind them. I have to say that’s probably why I don’t really care anymore. I mean yeah I have my boyfriend, he’s sweet and everything and he’s probably the only person I do live for but other than having a long history together and have intimate relations he never really likes to talk about anything deeper than “I’m doing good.” And I just can’t make any friends I just dont let myself because in my head no one is good enough. And I know its nobody’s fault it’s just me. I’m the one with the issues here. But I just don’t know what to do about them I will not pay to talk to some shrink and have him baby me through life. I’m just going to keep on living like a slob who hates the world and wishes things where differently. I feel like I don’t belong in this century. I’ve always felt I would feel better without any technology or packaged foods. Since I was small I’ve always daydreamed that I was in the time of the Greeks. I don’t need no car, no cell phone, or anything. But maybe I just like to think about the unknown. Like I would never know where I would be now if I had never gone to my high school. Well no one’s probably going to read this which is good who wants to hear about my boring unoriginal problems anyways. I mean I’m probably not the only person feeling this way. There may be many that feel the same way right now feeling that they can’t relate to anyone and no one knows what they’re going through. And you know why they can’t relate to anyone? Because they don’t share these kind of problems to people because the majority of the people could care less about what’s going on with a stranger they have no idea about. And why? Because we’re selfish people. Its a fact. We only do things for ourselves. Many could argue that they donate to charity because they’re selfless. But honestly the only reason they truly donate is because it makes themselves feel good and proud to think they are good people. Yes they care about the people they donated for but the true intention was because if they didn’t donate they would feel like a bad person and guilty. Same thing goes for adopting or giving shelter to a hobo. Whatever its because is makes you feel proud of yourself for doing so. Yet there are people that are more selfish than others. But that doesn’t matter cuz everyone’s selfish that’s people only care about their loved ones problems or events going on with their friends because they’re people YOU know. Its the same for me I admit it I’m selfish. I would only be concerned with events going on with my family because I grew up with them and I have a genuine relationship with them. If some random girl from someone else’s family comes up to me and starts telling me her problems (which has happened before) I just think to myself “I don’t give a fuck.” If it were my sister or friend it would be a little different. Ok I’m 100% nobodys reading and even if you are I don’t care because in about three days from now around this same time I am going to be completely over this moment. FML